Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Jobs vs. Purpose

Well, I've successfully found a 'job'...that's one thing off my list.

Day 5 of my 40 Days of Flow started well with one meditation from my book: The Women's Book of Courage. Today's meditation was on strength, and the affirmations were as follows: 

These affirmations would play a seemingly large role as my day played out. It felt really good to do something like this as soon as I got up, though, let me tell you. Having those in my mind and in my heart actually felt really good (and I *did* it instead of...not...as per my last post haha.) 

As I mentioned in my introductory post, I've been job searching for over two months. I'm looking for administrative work and at places like Winnipeg Regional Health, Canadian Blood Services, and other NGOs. I've applied for nearly 30 positions and have not heard back from anywhere. Amidst all this job searching, I was able to get my foot in the door with a placement agency. There's been positions here and there, but generally due to timing, I haven't been able to take those jobs. Until today...

I had a call last week for a heating supply wholesaler. Again, due to lack of notice, I was unable to go in on Friday. I got the call today from my placement agency saying that the same place was still looking for someone, and I was stuck...the financial stress is starting to bare down, but I'm still waiting for that 'perfect' job to come knocking on my door. 

So I reluctantly accepted and I start in the morning...and what did I do today? I cried and cried and cried some more (my cats didn't know what was going on.) This isn't what I'm meant to be doing in my life. I'm not supposed to have a job just to have a job. I'm supposed to be changing the world...or helping, anyway. I was screaming on the inside. 

Sister called and reminded me that it's temporary. And as I calmed down and accepted that this isn't such a bad thing (a good thing, in fact...I'm no longer funemployed!), I started to wonder...does taking this job mean that I'm no longer living my purpose? 

Now let's keep in mind that I'm not 100% sure what it is I want to do EXACTLY. (I feel as you get older that idea of 'what you want to do when you grow up' becomes harder and harder...for some of us at least. At a young age I wanted to be a gas attendant...because they got to use squeegees.) I DO know, however, that I want to make a difference. I want to change the world. One hoop at a time. Is the hooping business lucrative? Not exaaactly, but it could be. And I know from my experience in Nepal that you don't have to be a doctor or be able to build houses to change the world. 

And I have a feeling that I'm not the only one having an existential crisis in their mid-20s. People are waking up to realize that their happiness is much more important than a job. So let's look at it this way...I excel in the administrative type work. So how can I put that to use and live out my purpose? 

I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say here...it just got me thinking, if anyone else thinks this, too...? This job is temporary (as everything in life is)...and it doesn't mean that I'm veering off my seemingly care-free gypsy path. This is happening for a reason, and my dream 'job'...my purpose ...is still flying through the Universe towards me. And will happen when it's meant to happen.

...it sure is taking it's time, though. 

Day 5...mediocre success. 


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